I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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