A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
