I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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