is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
