Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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