He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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