I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
