I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
