is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
