the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
