my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
