We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize