By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
