Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
