i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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