So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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