We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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