I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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