Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
