If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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