I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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