When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
