My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
