two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
