They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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