I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
