I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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