Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I forget how to act sober
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
