I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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