and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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