worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
