don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
