this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize