Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
