what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
