How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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