I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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