Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
