pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize