The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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