dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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