Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
