Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Watching her eat just hurts me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
