he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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