I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
