No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize