Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
