Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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