Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
