drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
