I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
