Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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