1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we have pet lesbian snakes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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