saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can text with my tongue
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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