Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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