I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
