You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
