If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How external is "for external use only"?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
