Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
