Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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