he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
