Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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