Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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