So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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