I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
