shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
