i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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