I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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