One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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