You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
