I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
