i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
