What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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