I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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