every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
