He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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