We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
