And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
