I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
