Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
