Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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