so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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