it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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