I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize